halphillips:

Is there any feasible way to invest small amounts of money, especially to get a short-term return?  Like, I don’t know, you buy a bond for $20 and get back $25 in a few months.  Tiny little returns that only matter if you’re such a broke penny-pinching Jew that making $5 sounds like a good idea to you.

What about being like a day trader, buying and selling small amounts of stock?  Is that something anyone can just go do?

I hope this question is not too silly. 

Well, you are essentially asking for a 25% return for a few months of investment at 0 risk.  So no, that doesn’t exist.  If it did, no one would invest in anything else.  The closest thing to that currently is a treasury bond, but the returns are way lower and take 20 years to mature.  Sorry!

As for day trading… don’t.  First, any gains from picking individual stocks are statistical randomness.  Your odds of beating the market consistently are low. Second, you’d be day trading against huge financial companies with automated systems.  You are not going to beat them.

And finally, you never invest money you can’t afford to lose.  You’re better off right now trying to stretch a dollar by giving up some lifestyle perks than seeking a return on it.